It’s difficult to become a new person when you’ve been something else for so long. You worry about the influence that your old friends will have, that your old habits will have, and that even your old memories will have. You worry that your future is becoming bleaker and bleaker with every failed attempt to move on, and you worry that you will become one of those people from your hometown that you mock because they aren’t successful and you managed to cling on to a way up. You worry that this new person you want to be is going to be worth all the pain of losing what you once had. You worry that you’re making mistake after mistake, even in your quest to be something better, and that you’ll be set back instead of forward. Because life isn’t linear, and that can be terrifying.
Hannah’s having this problem right now. She’s pushing away the people close to her because it’s easier to dispose of old friends than attempt to move past where you are and recalibrate your relationship with them. Much of this is manifesting itself in her desire to “get past” Adam and Jessa by just bulldozing over them, even those both of them were such a huge part of her life. When Adam tries to get her to watch his movie, she tells him she’s over everything, yells that she’s pregnant, and stomps off. She doesn’t even bother telling Jessa about her pregnancy, instead digging into her when she comes by to talk to Hannah about the pregnancy. Hannah would prefer simply to forget about the people she had in her life, pushing them away when they attempt to intersect with her. When Marnie tells Hannah that not telling the father is a bad idea, Hannah just runs into the bathroom. There’s no real attempt to move on; she’s just covering her ears and hoping that she can become a different person by neglecting everyone around her.
Marnie is having a similar anxiety, though it’s rearing its head in a different manner. Marnie is still playing gigs with her ex-husband Desi, and while she wants to become a successful singer, she can’t help but watch what this path has done to those around her. Desi is relapsing, as he shows up to their gig high and stumbling. He doesn’t care about money because he doesn’t really know how to make money. He just walks through life pretending to be something, whether it’s a musician or an actor, all in the name of being a sort of rebel. Marnie’s mother wants the attention associated with fame and performance, so when she replaces Desi for the set, she doesn’t seem to notice or care when she makes a fool of herself. Marnie is seeing herself in both Desi and her mother, and after the narcissism that she displayed in her relationship with Ray, this is an odd moment of introspection.
Hannah and Marnie are both approaching a point in their lives where they have to make a major decision, and both of them are trying to navigate their past in order to come to terms with where they want their futures to lead. It’s easy to decide what you want to do with yourself, where you want your life to go. You can decide that you want to be something new, you can decide that you want to do something new. But what’s hard is coming to terms with your past in order to actually let go of what’s keeping you back. When Hannah sees Adam in the movie, when it looks like they’re looking at each other, she’s having a brief moment of clarity. Instead of pushing everybody away, instead of berating people to keep them at arm’s length, she finally sees Adam. And maybe that’ll make it easier for her to move on.
What did you think of the latest episode of Girls? Do you think Hannah and Marnie will be able to get their lives on track by the end of the series? Let me know in the comments!